3 Days Alone With 10lbs of Beans

A few months ago, Kevin accompanied me to Whole Foods to do my weekly grocery shopping. He normally doesn't go with me so, on the rare occasion that he does go, he finds all sorts of interesting things that he wants. The last time we went together, he discovered the Bulk Foods section, where you can buy such foods as trail mix, nuts, dried fruit, granola, etc; by the pound. Kevin discovered the "bean area" of the bulk foods department and went on a shopping spree (still not sure what came over him). I had wandered off to another aisle to get the shopping done and when we met back up, he was proudly toting around a HUGE bag of pinto beans, which he'd scooped out of the bulk section--undoubtedly feeling like quite the primitive man, who'd hunted and provided a nice meal for his primitive little family. Since I do the majority of the cooking in the house, Kevin doesn't know many basic kitchen facts, such as: Where we keep such and such bowl; What herbs are used to season such and such dish; and WHAT'S A REASONABLE AMOUNT OF DRIED PINTO BEANS TO PURCHASE IN ONE SHOPPING TRIP. I was astonished at the sheer volume of beans that he'd bagged up! Most women know that a little, 2lb bag of beans, (once cooked), will last a family of 4 for many days. I don't remember the exact weight, but I am willing to bet that Kevin had about 7-10lbs of beans in his hands. His defense was that they won't go bad and that we can just cook them a little at a time. I didn't have the energy to fight about it in the middle of Whole Foods.

So, we loaded them into our Jeep, which violently settled under the weight of the enormous bag 'o beans, in the parking lot of Whole Foods. Upon returning home and unloading groceries, I discovered that (surprise, surprise) I didn't have the storage in my kitchen to store such a huge collection of beans. Still not wanting to pick a fight about it, Kevin helped me to transfer the beans to several different containers, in several different cabinets and drawers, so that we could accommodate all of the evil beans.

*Flash forward to this past Sunday evening* Kevin and I had returned from our camping trip and were hungry. Kevin suggests that we cook up some of those old beans from Whole Foods. Little did he know that beans take days to cook, including the mandatory overnight soaking. I tell him this little factoid and he responds with, "Well, let's just cook some anyway and we'll have them all week". So, he proceeds to empty out one of the containers of beans into a pot to start the soaking process. I kept hearing the gush of beans, being poured into the pot and wondered just how many pounds of beans he was making. I went to see and he had poured probably a good 3-5lbs of beans into the pot of water to begin soaking. I thought to myself, "Those will be going out with the trash after being cooked and sitting in the fridge for days until a fungus grows on top of them".

About 6 hours into the bean-soaking process, I occurs to me: Kevin is leaving on a business trip in 2 days and will be gone for several days. Who the heck is gonna help me eat these beans? So, I dutifully cooked them (and they took up my entire, enourmous crockpot). Kevin left on his trip yesterday and here I am, stuck with 4 lbs of cooked beans. Although I realize that they will no doubt have to be thrown out, I'm still determined to eat as much as I can. At this rate, I will be farting myself into next week....and Kevin better not say a damned thing about it!