Sacrifices

I very often feel guilty for not working outside of the home. There, I said it. Financially, it's a big sacrifice. We went from two incomes and no dependents to one income and a big, new, shiny dependent all in the course of a year. If I could do things over, I might've rethought my decision to sell my business, but at the time, it was a big burden. A rock in my shoe. It took my positive energy away from my baby.

So, this sacrifice means that we don't go out to eat nearly as often as we used to (of course, having a squirmy almost-ten-month-old who goes to bed before 7pm has something to do with that too). We will probably not get that hot tub that Kevin and I used to dream about, to relax in on our patio. Kevin's dream of a music studio over the garage is a distant memory. Kevin is going to be getting rid of his shiny, two-seater convertible, in lieu of a more economical and child-friendly four-door sedan. If it sounds like I'm complaining, I'm not. While it would be nice to have a little more disposable income, Anna going to daycare just isn't an attractive option.

I was lamenting our situation last week when this email came through the list serv of the kids' group that we're members of. Someone posted a question about how to save time, while working and raising children. This is one of the responses:

I work 40+ hours/week at my evening job and 10+ hours/week from home
in the mornings.
I shuttle my children around to at least 5-10 hours week of
children's activities (free play not included)
I spend 2 hours on the highway between driving to babysitter and work.
I do the bare minimum of household chores which includes 30 minutes
daily of washing dishes & pumping gear, 2-3 hours on the weekend
(washing clothes and groceries).
I keep up a very OCD breastfeeding/ pumping schedule that keeps me up
to 2 am on most nights in an attempt to fight against a decreasing
milk supply.
I sleep an average of 5 hours a night and wake up at 8a.m. when my
spirited 3 y/o wakes me up demanding breakfast!

I have wronged my health/body (no exercise)
I have wronged my children (gasp! They don't always get a bath every
day!)
I have wronged my husband (if we are lucky we see each other on the
weekend)
I have wronged my house (last thorough cleaning I think was Spring
2004)

I vow do better/do more tomorrow!

Reading that made my stomach hurt. There's no way that I could be happy doing what this mom is doing. And her children? How is this good for them? It made me appreciate the life that we've created for Anna. Our days are largely stress-free. We have our quiet morning rituals. Mama gets at least one cup of coffee in her before she goes to get the petite bebe out of bed. Then we ceremoniously open the blind in her bedroom and wave hello to the day and predict what the weather might be like. We greet our backyard birds and squirrels. We sing silly songs while we eat breakfast. We go for walks at the park and visit with dogs and their owners (Anna give humans a single-handed-wave and reserves her patented double-hand-wave for humans walking dogs!). It's a simple, but beautiful life and it fits us perfectly.